I don't know if I'm awakening to the truth, -withdrawing the veil of denial from my eyes or whether I'm becoming blinded by what I think and feel and heading into deeper waters.
Whatever it is, it was sudden and I can pinpoint the moment my mood took a sharp downturn. It precipitated by some rather petty and malicious remarks by a group of doctors at a cafe where my friend and I had been having coffee. I hadn't heard anything but my friend did and she told me what they had said after they left. My friend and I are nurses. She told me that one of the doctors had been bitching about the nurses where he had been working and he had said at one point, -The nurse told me the urine was cloudy but I hadn't seen it. Why should I believe anything they say?
I felt as if I had been punched and knocked down without warning. The lack of respect that is the basis of that mindset is unbelievable.
Hey dickhead, I don't tell you something because I like to create more work for you. In fact, telling you something about the patient's urine means.....guess what? More work for me! Yay, work!! We tell you stuff about the patient because we care about the patient and because it's our registration on the line if we don't report anything to you, the jackass with the degree, in a timely manner. Why don't you go do our job then if you don't trust what we tell you?
So encountering that shithead and his cohort (neither of his fellow doctors at the table demurred at his comments and surely, they knew we were nurse down the other end of the table because my friend and I were talking shop -not bitching about doctors as a matter of fact) made me realise, -wow, that's what doctors think about nurse and nursing huh? I always suspected it and now I know it's true.
Thanks for the reality check. I think I'll look for another job since I'd rather make coffee for appreciative people for the rest of my life rather than be the annoying and stupid nurse who bothers doctors over stupid things. You sure didn't become a doctor because of your innate thoughtfulness and kindness did you? You only have brains going for you really. Good luck with that.
I hate my job. My personality and the job are misaligned. Also, why would I want to keep working in a profession where I keep getting shit from patients and their families and doctors? I need something else from a job. Creativity. You can't be creative as a nurse. You either do something in a very specific way at a very specific time or you don't. I'm quite inventive in the ways I devised to get patients to take their tablets or food but there is no creativity. There is no happiness and ease in what I do. I am conscientious about the work but I feel so worn down and completely joyless everyday.
I don't look forward to each day and I can't see anything past this grindingly slow agony of living.
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TLC #2?
No exercise this week at all.
BO/CLO all week, 1/2 tsp twice daily except once when I took 1tsp all at once.
Haven't read the book either.
The only new thing I've done is purchase from ebay a Philips goLite Blu Energy Light HF3321/60 to start light therapy.
I think I also need to start counselling or I am going to be up the creek without a paddle very soon.
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